How Old Were You When?
Introduction
This page is an email I posted to a discussion list. It talks about both first scene experiences - which is why it fits here - and a fair bit about my feelings on providing safe, sane, consensual, non-titilating advice to anyone who feels they need it, regardless of age. As with everything, I never claim to be right, I am simply offering my reasons for the decisions I have made.
The Question
when (approx. age range if you feel comfortable giving it) and what was your first indication that you were attracted (ok thats the wrong word, but you *know* what I mean) to the bdsm (or insert appropriate kink accronym here) scene? (a first fantasy, a witness to a scene, etc..) expand as much or as little as you wish hehe
My Reply
First indication: Age three, rolling the seven year old girl from down the street under the sofa my dad had built in my bedroom so my mother would not find her. Considering she was naked and bound head to toe in selotape (English word for scotch tape), I had some vague inclination that my mother would not see the fun side. Please note: It was the girl, not my mother who was bound and naked - if that was the case then I really would have a lot more to sort out.Mind you, it took another ten years until I discovered the term S&M that I thought covered it and another three or four after that until I started to find out that all the other elements of BDSM had names and validity too.
First fantasies and witness to scenes I guess both happened by at least that point - as I must have thought about it and I must have witnessed it. For those who'd ask, "But when was the first one after you reached adolescence [or some other marker of it being sexual as opposed to 'just something a kid did']?" I am afraid I can not really answer - if I think about it there are probably incidents from every year since then that I can recall while 'sexual awareness' was something that slowly phased in.
Having another birthday tomorrow and feeling a little bit older reminds me of how easy it has been getting to say, "Oh but he's only fifteen", "She's just 18", "He's still only 21", whatever. It is something I always promised myself I would fight. When I was 13 I was convinced I was an adult and could understand all adult matters [and I genuinely could in just about every case - I just had less experience to make informed decisions from]. I felt the same at 15, at 18, at 21. I still do now. About the only thing that's changed is that I realise now that even by the time I am 80 I will still _not_ know everything - all I will have is a little more experience to make my decisions on and so probably a little more unwillingness to make them.
The point is, there is no age when sexuality kicks in, no age when D/s knowledge kicks in (though there often is a point people can point to as a realisation), no age when maturity kicks in (look at the flames of recent weeks from people three or four times the age of those they would tell are too immature).
This is why I take the stand of not telling 'under age' people they should just wait. After all, if you were 11, would you honestly wait the length of your life again because people have set an arbitrary limit on when they as adults believe you are safe - especially when that limit is set by faded memories of their own experience? There are movies out there, books, magazines, TV shows that are easily accessible and give you everything you need to know to get started and make some mistakes. For me, I would rather leave the materials to safely and sanely get good advice accessible and rely on the fact that if they are not ready for them then the SSC advice is hardly going to be exciting and titillating anyway.
Am I breaking the law by being prepared to provide SSC advice to those who need it? Almost certainly - especially over the net where every country has its own set of laws. Am I breaking the law whenever I light up a joint, copy a computer program or go seventy on the freeway? Absolutely - and I would much rather face the repercussions of an action that I knew had done some good than one of simple convenience.
Soul Thief
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This page was last updated on Monday 09th 2001f April 2001