Ground Rules
D/s UK Community
These are the ground rules that the D/s UK Community use for their munches. While different munches have different ground rules, these should give you a good idea of what's commonly expected for a munch held in a public venue.
Guidelines vs Rules
Munches are generally pretty laid back affairs. All of the concepts discussed really fall in to two categories: Consider everyone else, remembering everyone has different kinks and limits. Don't do anything that will get us banned from using the premises in the future. Remember those two concepts and it's all pretty obvious.If someone is bothering you, speak to the organisers. We go to a lot of trouble to deal with things both fairly and discretely. In a lot of cases someone else simply acts in a different way to your standards - that's not right or wrong, just different, and telling them they're wrong only causes offence. That said, if someone's behaviour is offensive, we will quietly ask them to amend it and/or ask them to leave as appropriate.
Questions and Answers
What Do You Mean By "Street Legal"?
Non-scene people will be passing through. Keep it legal. Beyond that it's pretty much up to you. No one expects you to wear PVC, leather or rubber. Not many people will be doing, but if you wish to, that's your right. Collars are more than welcome.Street Legal also applies to general behaviour. No harassing the bar staff, other customers, etc. Drink by all means, just keep it relatively sober and inoffensive. Save drugs until later.
I'm In The Closet, What About Confidentiality?
Some people are completely comfortable with the scene and everyone in their lives know about it. Others are just beginning to explore or have personal reasons to keep it quiet. Unless someone has made it abundantly clear they are OK with it, if you meet them in the street don't mention the scene. If anyone asks, you met through a common friend.We absolutely will enforce this rule. Outing people isn't cool. They are not hypocrites, they have their reasons and should be respected. Anyone who does out others without their express consent will be barred from all future munches, gatherings, etc.
Who Can Attend?
The munch is for members of the D/s UK community and users of the room with the same name on MSN chat. If you are not a member, but would like to come, contact the hosts (Thwackme, Tracey and Soulthief - the easiest one to reach is SoulThief via email: nick_davison@hotmail.com) and ask them about becoming a member.
Can I Bring A Non-Member?
The short answer is, following the advice above, help them become a member. Otherwise no. We are more than happy for couples or friends to come along. In a few cases though, we've had non-scene partners who have been brought along who have ended up quite hostile to the scene that they feel threatens them. That is no fun for them or for the regulars. For that reason, we ask that everyone is a member - it's not difficult to become one and it saves everyone hassle.
Is Everyone Comfortable With The Scene?
Those attending the munch are, obviously, interested in the scene. Remember that the scene has a lot of different aspects. Just because you are interested in a given aspect, remember that your kink is not necessarily someone else's. If someone else's sub seems bratty, or someone else's Dom/me doesn't act in a way you approve of, you do not have the right to tell them. If someone's behaviour is offensive, speak to the organisers and they will deal with it fairly and discretely.The munch is held in a public place. The bar staff are not part of the scene, nor are the other patrons. Please do not give them a hard time. We would like to be welcome back.
How Do I Find One Of The Organisers?
We generally try to make sure we welcome new people. If there's a new face we do our best to make sure you feel welcome and comfortable. This should mean you already know who we are. If, for any reason, you don't know who the organisers are and need to speak to one of us, just ask - we are fairly well known. Just ask for Dave (Thwackme), Tracey or Nick (SoulThief).
Can I Meet Prospective Play Partners?
The munches are, first and foremost, a discussion forum and a chance for people to relax within a scene setting. Just like any group, some people are in couples, others happily single and others would like to meet others who are interested in playing. Please keep it tasteful whatever you do. If someone is not interested, respect that. If they say, "No", that's their choice. Some people don't even find me attractive--strange I know, but it is their right.If you wish to discretely meet others, that's fine. Turning it in to a predatory affair won't be tolerated though. To put it in the words stolen entirely from TIES in Minnesota: "Heloise’s hint #87 - if you find some "other" common ground before "I wanna jump your bones", it helps a lot in almost all cases."
What Is The Expected Behaviour For Submissives?
Exactly the same as for everyone else. Do whatever makes you comfortable and does not harm anyone else. No Dom/me has the right to give an order unless explicitly given that right.
Can I Do Light Play?
This largely depends on your definition. Subs fetching drinks is fine. S/M scening and punishment isn't. Remember the consensual concept - not everyone wants to see you discipline your misbehaving sub. Also, remember the street legal concept.
What About Collaring?
Some of us regard collaring as something intensely personal. Those who do may find a collaring in a bar slightly demeaning to the incredibly intense experience it was for them. As there is just one room, it is hard to avoid anything people are uncomfortable with. We will all be very happy for you that you've moved to the stage where you feel ready to collar or be collared - just save the moment itself for a time where the audience is entirely supportive and consensual.
What About Cameras?
A lot of people will be meeting in person for the first time after knowing each other from the net. It is understandable that they will want pictures for the memory. Just remember that a lot of other people do not want to be included in pictures.If you want to take a picture, make sure you have the permission of everyone involved, even in the background, and give those who don't want to be involved plenty of time to get out of the shot. Before showing the pictures to others or posting them on the net, again make sure you have the express permission of everyone involved.
I'm a Journalist/Author Researching The Scene, Am I Welcome?
Too many people in the scene have been hurt by sensationalist journalists, the News Of The World being exceptionally offensive. Quite understandably, journalists are not entirely welcome. That said, if you are open and honest, you are much more likely to be accepted.Contact the organisers before hand. They can introduce you to others and save it becoming a case of people feeling like they are being spied on. Again, the most fundamental part of the scene is consent. Writing articles without people's consent is a guaranteed way to offend them. We will do our best to help you get accepted and helped. If anyone is uncomfortable with your presence, their feelings will be respected. We will then do our best to help you in other, less contentious, ways.
Why Not Vary The Location?
Keeping the same location is deliberate. It is convenient for a lot of the regulars and the organisers. It also saves having to give different directions each month.London is not the best location for everyone, we realise that. If anyone else would like to organise a regular one for those who can't make it to London, that would be great and we will offer all the support we can. We can't personally organise one everywhere and don't want to lessen the existing London munch by changing its location each month. Some suggested areas that have come up, for those interested in organising others, are: Birmingham; Manchester; Scotland; and Ireland.
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This page was last updated on Sunday 10th 2000f September 2000