A First Munch

I went to my first munch in Minnesota, USA, in the middle of the summer of 1999. The munch I went to was a well established, well run group that had been in the area for some years. This was to be the group that I considered 'my' group for the time I lived in Minnesota. That does not mean, however, that I was not initially terrified. I was going without my Master (he was in London) and it was the first time I would be 'out' about my personal lifestyle choices.

The munch was held in the basement party room of a local bar. I walked through the doors of the bar, found the stairs and went down. At the bottom I took a deep breath and said a few reassuring words to myself and checked that my shoes were fastened tight in case I felt the need to flee. Then I walked through the doors and found...complete normality.

I wondered for a moment if I was in the right place. It was after all possible that there were two staircases, right? As far as I could see, these were adults--a lot of adults, I'll grant you that--who were sitting around eating dinner, talking, and laughing. Where were the whips? Where were the chains? Where were the bloodcurdling screams of agony? I'd turned the wrong corner and walked into a church party.

I looked around a bit and noticed a small table to one side where I could get a nametag. Stepping up, I grabbed a pen and wrote my name as the man commandeering the table started to talk to me. I braced myself for personal questions, but all I got was, "Is this your first time at TIES? Feel free to order from the menu, there's waitresses around who will help you. If you have any questions or problems just find one of us here with blue nametags and we'll help, okay?" I nodded dumbly and turned away, only to be thoroughly daunted by meeting new people. Frightened, I turned back and had a conversation with J* for a few minutes.

"J*! You're not supposed to monopolize the new people, especially not the cute ones!" I jumped in surprise at the voice behind me, and turned to face D*, the man who ran the munch. D* smiled at me, and J* grinned and grabbed the person standing next to him. "I was just going to introduce her to someone!" J* defended himself. "Here, you two, you have the same name, go talk." With that I found myself talking to someone new (someone who would in time become a play partner, under Master's bequest).

I spent the rest of the night generally chatting to people around me. Rarely we talked of kinky things, and when I stated that I was collared I got knowing nods and no problems. Instead we talked of body piercings, and tattoos, and music, and school, and all the things you talk about when you're just getting to know a person. Some people, such as a lovely little blonde pixie named j*, let me know that if I needed any help or advice I could find her and she would do her best to assist me. I did get one or two leering looks, but I didn't feel threatened as I knew that at any time I could find a "Blue Nametag" and have help.

That night I talked for hours. I did not drink (this was a personal choice, not a rule) but I managed to relax anyway. I did talk a bit about my Master, but only to the extent that I established that yes I was collared, yes I loved my Master very much, and no I was not allowed to play without Master's permission. Otherwise, we just filled the hours with general conversation. At about midnight D* yelled, "TIES has left the building!" as the organizers left for the night. With that, I left too. I got home and called my Master on the phone, and was up until 4am that morning telling him about my first experience.

So, will your first munch be like mine?

If you are going to an established munch, the people who run that munch are always available to help or to answer questions. Munches are NOT play venues. They are not the time or the place for sceneing. You will not be assaulted. Generally you are not obligated to talk to anyone you dislike, nor are you obligated to participate in anything that makes you uncomfortable. Because munches are often held in public bars or pubs, normal 'street-legal' clothing is the order of the day. The underlying rule, as in most places, is that you be polite and respectful. No matter how you identify yourself, you are not expected to kneel for anyone nor is anyone expected to kneel to you.

People often meet partners of one sort or another at munches. This is just like meeting people in any other place. You talk, you decide you'd like to take your interactions further, you check to see if anyone else knows what sort of reputation your interest has, and you progress as appropriate. You do not cede your personal rights when you attend a munch. You still determine who you talk to, who you play with, and who you avoid.

At your first munch, a good first step is to determine who is in charge. There will generally be several people who are regarded as being 'in control'. If someone is bothering you, let that be known. If you are being repeatedly harassed, let that be known. In such a society it is necessary that we watch out for each other, and if you are having trouble with someone harassing you, we want to know about it so we can protect ourselves and others.

After establishing who to turn to if there's a problem, talk to people, be polite, and have fun. These are friendly get-togethers, meant as a safe way of meeting others who agree with and support our lifestyle choices. Enter into a munch to meet people and have fun, and your experience will be Safe, Sane, and Consensual.

*k