General Information
While there are many things which are strongly applicable to Dominants or submissives that we wanted to write about, there were other things which we felt were so universal, everyone should read them.Of course, that doesn't mean submissives shouldn't read the Dom's Haven and Dominants shouldn't read the Sub's Haven. We simply wanted to divide the site in to areas of particular interest. After all, you've probably got much better things to do than read through everything I've got to say.
Overview
Dictionary
There is a whole other language out there that is used to describe this whole other world. Sometimes it can feel a little impenetrable. This is an attempt to quickly explain some of the terms, or at least offer one perspective on them.Also included are a couple of dictionaries of acronyms: both for the scene and the net.
D/s Vs. Vanilla Relationships
A common claim made within the scene is that D/s relationships manage to achieve a higher plain of commitment, of enlightenment, etc. than traditional vanilla relationships. While I by no means intend to lessen the value of D/s relationships, the aim of this piece is to offer a perspective that the "My lifestyle is better than yours" argument is based more on false assumptions and arrogance than actual truth.
Finding A Partner
One of the questions that we are always getting asked is, "How do I meet someone in the scene?" After all, it is not the easiest of things to do.
In Defense Of Gor
Gor is a 'form' of BDSM based on a series of fantasy novels. There are a large number of positives to be drawn from the series, such as a defined culture, recognised poses, forms of address, etiquette, behavior and so on. The problem comes that there are aspects of the Gorean fantasy that are [mis]used by abusive people as a justification of their actions.Particularly within the on-line community, Gor has gained a reputation as being abusive. As a result, many people have become extremely intolerant of Gor and any who practice it. This article is intended to address many of the misconceptions and explain why Gor itself is not wrong, it is the people who abuse it that are.
Munches
This section covers general information on munches, what to expect, what is involved in organising one and so on. It also provides information on the D/s UK Community and their munches which is hopefully both useful to their members and as a case study of an existing munch.
Risking Death
There are a group of high-risk activities within the scene that carry with them a risk of death for the submissive. Whether this is an acceptable form of play or not is one of the hotly debated areas of the scene. This piece looks at the arguments for and a compelling argument against.
Safe Sane & Consensual
Safe Sane & Consensual (SSC) is one of the fundamental concepts of the scene. It's used as the simple, quick, rule of thumb as to whether things are ultimately acceptable and reasonable in a scene which is, from the outside as neither of them.Quite what Safe, Sane and Consensual means varies from person to person. It is more of a feeling than a straight definition. We've tried to come up with a basic, simple, definition that'll explain things but let you apply your own values.
Safewords
A submissive begging for release, whimpering, pleading. It has to be one of the most common images of the scene. But how do you tell when the submissive really wants you to stop and when "No more!" really means "Don't stop!"? That's where safewords come in.
Slave Contracts And The Law
Slave contracts are many things to many people and often assumed to be some legalised form of consent that makes everything OK in they eyes of the law. They are not. This article looks at why they are not along with what they are.
The Validity Of Switching
Quite a few people in the scene dismiss switches. Their argument is usually that "to really be a part of the scene, be that Dom/me or sub, is such a total thing that there is no room for the other facet. You are simply either a Dom/me or a sub. To try and be both is to fail at truly being either." This article addresses that image.
The Right Way(tm)
Addressing the misconception of there being one right way (also known as the One True Way).
Verbal Etiquette
Looking at what forms of speech are expected, what they mean and when it is also valid to ignore them.
Your Kink Is OK
There are a huge number of kinks that fall within the bounds of BDSM. Not all of them are to our personal tastes and some may even disgust us. Does that make them wrong? In a world where we seek acceptance for our own kinks, is it reasonable not to accept those of others?
SoulThief
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This page was last updated on Sunday 23rd 2001f September 2001